Submitted by an Oyster Pointer reader
The Washington Post conducts an annual Neologism Contest where readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. Among the winners are:
Coffee (n): The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj): Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (Adj): Describes a condition where you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v): To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n): Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Flatulence (n): Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Oyster (n): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism (n), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Balderdash (n): A rapidly receding hairline.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Among this year’s winners are:
Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
