Do you have a smart speaker? Have fun!

Pointless

We just got a smart speaker. We already have a smart phone and a smart television. So, in our household, I am now placed even lower on the bell-shaped curve of intelligence. Fortunately for me, our refrigerator would have only made it to a mediocre college on a football scholarship.

So far, I only use the smart speaker to turn on public radio. My wife uses it to play beach music, set a kitchen timer, check the weather and to say, “Alexa, tell him I am not talking to him!”

There was a time I used it by mistake. I stubbed my toe and screamed an unprintable expletive. Alexa immediately went to the show of a certain bombastic radio commentator.

There was one other time when I went up to the smart speaker and said, “Alexa, help me find my eyeglasses.”
I kept repeating myself and got absolutely no help from her. My wife said, “Do you realize you are talking to the cookie jar?”

There was a story recently about a woman who came home and found her son getting help with his homework from the smart speaker. (My kids had to call 911 for help with their homework. I had to pay bribes to the smartest girl in the class to get help!)

I am thinking that there has to be a lot of other creative ways we can use the smart speaker. Here are my suggestions. You might have a lot more of your own. (We have Alexa. Feel free to change this to the name of your own smart speaker.)

“Alexa, if a plane crashes on the border of Canada and the United States, where do they bury the survivors?”

“Alexa, what is the per capita income of Timbuktu?” (I am not even sure where Timbuktu is!)

“Alexa, does this tie look okay with this shirt?”

“Alexa, make the creamed peas go bad in the fridge before dinner tonight.”

“Alexa, if they go to a zone defense, will they be better at slowing down the offense?”

“Alexa, tell me why.”

“Alexa, show me some new dance steps.”

“Alexa, walk the dog.”

“Alexa, explain quantum physics.”

“Alexa, if someone wanted to rob a bank, how should he go about it?”

“Alexa, mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest…”

“Alexa, help me with my taxes.”

“Alexa, would I look better with a comb-over or a man’s bun?”

The saddest thing about having a smart speaker is I am getting out of the habit of saying “Please” and “Thank you.” Then again, I never say either of those to the smart TV or the smart phone. (Come to think of it, I probably do not say those enough to my wife as well.)

Stan Glasofer
About Stan Glasofer 11 Articles
Stan Glasofer is retired and lives in Newport News. He is married and is a father, grandfather and personal valet for Mac. He can be reached by email at glasofer@verizon.net.

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