Fun with forms


Probably no one enjoys filling out forms. They are monotonous and seem to ask questions which have little or no relevance to the reason for the form. Just imagine how much more boring they must be for the persons who have to review them. Those people are forced to go over the same forms day after day and probably become numb, having to look at the same mundane answers. So, let’s have some fun and also bring joy to others at the same time. We can all think of answers, which will be amusing to fill in and equally entertaining for the ones who will have to read them.

Here are some examples:

Name. Misspell your name. If you have any dispute at a later time with the office, agency or company wanting the form, just say, “Who in the world would ever misspell his own name?”

Address. When it asks for zip code in the 5 + 4 format, make it 5 + 312.

Phone number. Answer: “Three. One in the bedroom, one in the kitchen and a cell phone.”

Email. Answer: “I would if I could only find e-stamps.”

Billing address. Answer: “Doesn’t that depend on who is doing the billing?”

Marital status. It does not matter what is correct; be sure to check more than one choice.

Sex. Answer: “Yes, definitely!

Dependents. Answer: “Spouse, two children, a dog, my bookie and 535 members of Congress.”

Are you a citizen of the United States? Answer: “Si, Dah, Ja, Hui, Oui, Ken, Na’am.”

Highest level of education. Answer: “The principal’s office on the second floor.”

List any awards or citations. Answer: “Most suspensions from kindergarten of any child as well as multiple citations from traffic cops.”

Household income. Answer: “Something considerably less than household outgo.”

Are you able to drive? Answer: “Yes, but my putting is much better.”

Who should be contacted in case of an emergency? Answer: “911, EMS, Fire Department or Police.”

Medications. Answer: “Alcohol taken internally.”

Any surgeries and outcome. Answer for men: “Circumcision when I was a week old; unable to walk for a year.”

Answer for women: “I had a no-good total jerk removed from my side last year. I am doing much better now, thank you very much.”

Reason for today’s visit. Answer: “To take time away from an otherwise enjoyable life to come in just to complete this form.”

Other problems we need to be aware of. Answer: “You need to know about this other guy sitting in the waiting room. Perhaps you should incinerate his chair when he leaves. Better yet, have the HAZMAT team declare the entire waiting room as a condemned area!”

Person responsible for the bill. Answer: “Not me! Everyone knows that I am irresponsible.”

Insurance company. Answer: “Mutual of Onancock. My agent told me his name is John Smith and he works out of the back seat of the local bus. He told me he would get my policy some day soon. That was last May.”

Please list four references. Answer: “World Book Encyclopedia Roget’s Thesaurus, Webster’s Dictionary, and Bartlett’s Quotations.”

About Stan Glasofer 20 Articles
Stan Glasofer passed away in October 2020. He left us with several columns we are proud to share with our readers.

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