By Rosie Daley
I should probably begin by saying I am what is commonly known as a “Boomer.” I used to be a “Bloomer” but somewhere along the line, time knocked the “L” out of me. A firm believer in the “you’re as young as you feel” adage, I generally vacillate between 30 and 98, depending on how many steps I have to climb or how long it takes me to find my car in a downtown Norfolk parking garage.
Nonetheless I’m still pretty “hip” (though one has been replaced) and also “cool” (especially since I have had a fan in every room of my home since menopause). Admittedly, though, I am having some difficulty lately. I’m feeling less sure of myself with the latest jargon, seemingly adjustable grammar rules and the fact that somehow I missed how “6-7” became something other than the numbers between five and eight.
Most people have “aha” moments. Mine are now more akin to “huh?” You can easily spot me in a crowd by simply looking for the giant question mark hovering above my head like the Goodyear blimp.
I know I’m not the only one experiencing this. Surprisingly, I do have friends. Sane ones. And they, too, are pondering. For example, does anyone know what happened to the word, “affected?” Did we leave it in our other pants pocket? Maybe it was pilfered from my handbag when I was trying to find the grocery card on my keychain. I swear I just saw it yesterday, but it has mysteriously completely disappeared from the English language.
No one, anywhere, is ever “affected” anymore. Today we are “impacted.” And while all this time we thought the only things impacted were teeth and colons, apparently now EVERYTHING can be impacted. Weather is impacted by climate change. Airlines are impacted by fewer air traffic controllers. Grocery prices are impacted by economic upheaval. We are all now, on a daily basis, hopelessly impacted. Frankly, it sounds kind of painful.
I promise you that ye olde grade school English teachers everywhere simultaneously twirl in their graves as they listen to the abomination — reminiscing about their lengthy lessons on the difference between “effect” and “affect.” Not to mention the countless lives of red pens forever lost in the struggle. While I cringe with each usage (or misuse), I am trying hard to remember that language does evolve over time and perhaps somehow, somewhere, the word “affect” fell out of fashion when I was looking for the reading glasses on top of my head.
Still, I will continue to watch the nightly news anchors, hang on every word and just wait for the glimmer of an event that may have affected someone. But, for the time being, it appears that at least for today we are all hopelessly…impacted. Ouch.
Rosie Daley is the only woman ever to be crowned with three titles: Miss Understood, Miss Placed and Miss Chievous—all within a single year! She currently resides in an undisclosed location as she is, after all, Miss Placed. If you happen to find her, you were probably mistaken.
