Lexophiles

“Lexophile” describes one who has a love for words and word play, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original phrase that a lexophile would love. Here are some of the nominations with the winning submission posted at the very end.

• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• I changed my iPad’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
• I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
• Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Submitted by a friend of a friend who is into words and their meanings.