My wife really does not like to take me shopping. No wonder; shopping makes me miserable. And when I am miserable, I make everyone else miserable as well. Either we are spending money or we are merely looking at items we cannot afford. (Even worse: we end up spending money on something we cannot afford.) What fun is that? Well, my wife suggests I try to make it more fun while shopping. So, I have come up with some ideas that just might make that happen:
- Ask a store clerk if she has any scruples. If she tells you that she needs to ask her manager, then say, “Then you probably do not have any.”
- Go to a thrift shop and pick up the chintziest, ugliest, cheapest item you can find. Then ask the clerk for their gift-wrapping department.
- In a hardware store, tell them you need just one thumb tack.
- At a garden center, pick up a bag of grass seed. Ask if they have it in any other colors.
- Tell a butcher, “I am new at being a vegan. Do you have some beef that was only grass-fed?”
- Go into a car dealership with a Halloween mask on top of your head and a paper bag in your hand. Ask if they will make an all-cash deal.
- In a florist shop, tell them you want to order five sets of a dozen roses and say you want the card on each to read, “To my one and only.” (Then ask if they do discounts for bulk purchases.)
- In a supermarket, give people tickets for reckless driving with their grocery carts.
- Pretend to be a greeter at a big box store.
Is there any question why my wife dislikes shopping with me?