- Be careful to never refer to yourself on tax returns and census forms as “Head of Household.”
- Walking in the door and saying “I’m sorry” will always be accepted. You do not even have to know what you are apologizing for.
- As you compose a love poem, never ask your special someone, “What rhymes with flabby?”
- Socks left on the floor or not replacing the toilet paper roll is never worth going to the Nuclear Option.
- Never give your special someone a household appliance as a gift. (If there is a need for a new household appliance, just say, “I bought this for the house!”)
- No discussion can ever end well that begins with, “My mother always…”
- The response to “You know what would be great?” is never to roll one’s eyes.
- Anytime that other person comes in saying, “Promise me you won’t get mad, but…” do not get mad, but start thinking of whom to call for car repairs, plumbers, painters, etc.
- The immediate words out of your mouth for the previous incident must always be, “Thank goodness you are safe.”
- The cost of a outside specialist for repairs in the end is always less expensive than one of you saying, “Don’t worry! I can fix this!”
- The answer to “I do not feel like cooking tonight” is never “That’s okay, I am not that hungry.”
- Sharing a house should not mean having to share a remote or a bank account. Two or more of certain items should be the rule of thumb for continued peace of the household.
- Being in a relationship does not mean you have to love all that other person’s family, friends or choices of entertainment. However, they are important to your special someone. Just be quiet and accept them.
- Speaking of which, people sometimes come into relationships with things meaningful to them. Whether it is a comfortable old chair, a ratty old childhood stuffed animal, a pet or comfort clothes, do not comment on it. Just accept it!
- No matter how much each of you has settled into certain defined responsibilities in the house, never refer to any chore as “Your job.”
- The stages of life together are:
- Loving all those little quirks that makes this person appealing;
- Realizing that those little things can sometime become annoying;
- Commenting on those annoying habits;
- Having to deal with the anger for your foolishness for having started that discussion;
- Learning to never again bring up those things that irk you;
- Realizing that you still love those little quirks after all this time.
(A smart person goes from stage one to stage six in less than a week and skips the part that led to the argument.)
Let me just finish by saying that this is based on what others have told me. As for my relationship, I married a saint!
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