Names

Pointless

Right after our son was born, a maternity ward nurse came in to say she was there to fill out the birth certificate. She asked what we planned to name our baby. We told her, then she turned around, leaving the room. When we asked where she was going, she replied, “I always give the parents 24 hours to make sure of their choice.” Good idea. Obviously, judging by some of the names I hear today, she has many colleagues who didn’t follow that advice.

It is so important to be careful about naming your child. When we were trying to think of a daughter’s name in case our first-born was a girl, we both liked Emily. Unfortunately, we already had a cat by that name and felt we couldn’t go with that. So, instead, we decided if it were a girl, her name would be “Fluffy.”

The first time I saw the word “Wachovia,” it looked like a pretty word and I felt that would be a great name for a child. My wife had better sense and talked me out of it.

Once I met a man who named his daughter “Akia.” I thought it was pretty and asked him what it meant. He said that he had an Akia stereo and just liked the way the word looked. Good thing that he didn’t have a Motorola or a Magnavox.

In my family, names are chosen to honor a beloved deceased ancestor. My dad wanted to call me “Old Granddad.”

Some parents choose names from Scriptures. That’s great. Those names often have specific meanings, or the Biblical person had special skills. However, shouldn’t there be some kids named Methuselah, Nimrod or Zuleikha?

Have you noticed that names go in and out of style? For instance, one bad guy comes along and no one names a child Attila for the next 15 centuries.

There was a man who thought that having names based on international monetary units would be good luck for his kids. He selected the first three children’s names from the French (Frank), the British (Penny) and the German (Mark). Sadly, the fourth child was named from the Canadian (Loonie).

Some people name their offspring after people outstanding in different fields. So, if science is their thing, they might prefer something after Albert Einstein or Marie Curie. In sports, it might be something after Hank Aaron, Serena Williams or Novak Djokovic. For theater lovers, it might be after Sir Lawrence Olivier or Dame Judith Dench. There was one guy who was a big punk rock fan who named his daughter “Sid Vicious.”

Some names come from novels or the movies, such as “Atticus,” “Shane,” “Belle” and “Ariel.” Any “Freddie Kruegers” or “Hester Prynnes” out there?

There are those who like names from places they have visited. There are people named Austin, Georgia, Cheyenne, Savannah and Paris. Maybe there is someone out there named Poquoson or Schenectady.

Even nicknames are important. A lot of people have nicknames that reflect the characteristics of certain animals: Buck, Bear, Moose, Bunny. Pity the poor individuals with the nicknames of “Cow” or “Leech.”

Remember, when you give your child his or her name, there will be some time decades from now when they will recall what you did to them as they select your nursing home.

Stan Glasofer
About Stan Glasofer 16 Articles
Stan Glasofer is retired and lives in Newport News. He is married and is a father, grandfather and personal valet for Mac. He can be reached by email at glasofer@verizon.net.

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