It’s a material world

Pointless

This morning I was reading my tube of toothpaste. It said, “For best results, squeeze tube from the bottom and flatten as you go up.” I am trying to imagine the person who did not figure this one out for himself.

This goes along with the coffee cups that say, “Contents may be hot.” Duh, that’s why I want to drink it!

Go to a drug store. Walk up and down the aisles of all the medical products and home health care products they offer. Then realize that every one of these items required to be tested on human subjects. Think about that. Aren’t you glad you have the job you have and that you were not one of those test subjects?

Thinking of testing, I was wondering about crash test dummies. I mean, before they were invented, did the automobile people have to use real humans? What would the researchers say? “I want you to drive this car at top speed into that brick wall. After you do that, we will discuss your next assignment.”

I have a great idea on how to lose weight. Just read the ingredients on any food container. If there is a word you cannot pronounce or never saw in the real world, don’t eat it.

Remember when there were service shops for televisions and radios, vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers and just about everything else? Where are they now? Now when you have something that breaks, you are told to toss it out and go buy a new one.

Speaking of which, remember when you could work on your car in front of your house with just a screwdriver and pliers? You changed your oil, checked out all the fluid levels and air pressure. If it was a more serious problem, you got the guy next door to come stare under the hood with you. Neither one of you knew what the heck you were looking at. Then, one of you fiddled with this or that while telling the other, “Now try it!” It didn’t have to make any changes; only that the two of you had tweaked or touched every possible item under the hood. That was followed by the two of you drinking a couple of beers and telling stories of that first car you drove as a teenager, which was the both the greatest car in the world as well as the biggest pile of junk.

Nowadays, cars have code numbers that periodically appear on the dash. You cannot figure out the code, so you must make an appointment to bring it to the dealer for them to tell what your car needs. (Who knew that there is a code for replacing the air in your tires every 5,000 miles?)

Have you noticed that when you buy a new item, after you have checked it out at several stores and online and decided that it is the best model you can get, you go up to pay for it, the sales clerk then suggests that you get an extended warranty in case it breaks? I thought that when I paid the exorbitant price, I figured that it wasn’t going to ever break.

I must say that I am very thankful for my grandchildren. They are a big help to me using my cell phone, computer, television and Bluetooth. I do not even mind when they roll their eyes as they are trying to show me what to do.


Stan Glasofer, our friend and columnist, passed away in October 2020. He left with us some of his unpublished columns and with permission and encouragement from his loving wife Janet, we are happy to share them with our readers.

About Stan Glasofer 18 Articles
Stan Glasofer is retired and lives in Newport News. He is married and is a father, grandfather and personal valet for Mac. He can be reached by email at glasofer@verizon.net.

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